GrizBlog: A Personal Weblog For A Personal Dude

I Lost Control

Almost 24 hours now... this feeling I have, hits me off and on the whole time. A long cry, thinking things through, wanting to be someone to save him, and losing my brother. It 's all so terrifying, the fact that... that just the other day, he was on my floor, playing King Kong. talking about how he's going to end up bumming off me sleeping on my couch as an adult.

It all started when I was around the age of five. I met him at Kobi's regular sports practices, only being acquaintances at first, growing to be one of my first friends. The countless sleep overs, the late nights(those days being around 10 o'clock), dozens of Birthday parties, and piano sonata's played beautiful through his house.

We'd grow into teenagers, me in 6th grade and him in the 8th. I was lonely, not many friends... but he was there for me... almost every weekend we'd spend reading our manga, watching [adult-swim] and playing the classic games. Great times, and amazing friendship.

High school came, he was influenced to do this that I was against. I was still there for him... and he was there for me. We were still great friends, getting jobs. Not having time for the great old times. When people wanted to hurt me, he was there in their path, the guy I knew was always the same. The same man that was never upset, never seemed to be worried, always smiling no matter what the situation. You couldn't hate him, there was no way. He was to nice of a guy... at least that's what I saw.

The funny thing is... almost exactly a week ago, I was in the exact same spot hitting a deer. But I was lucky, and I feel like I deserve to be the one to go besides him. Mom couldn't leave the house, she had called the Engelhart's and explained if something were to happen that she would clean Monday.
When I pulled out of Ryan's tonight, I knew I wouldn't make it... right when I pulled out of their driveway Yellow Angel by Senses Fail was playing. Odd, because I didn't leave the CD on that song. If you haven't heard it I suggest you get their new album. It's all to ironic, the past week. songs about car crashes(and then the actual thing) me hitting deer, and wasted house cleanings. They all go down the drain.

I'll see ya up wherever we end up Jordan. I love you like the brother you always were to me.